Wow, its been a really long time since I last blogged here. Its been a whole summer. I am now over twice as far in my treatment than when I last blogged. My side effects remain pretty minimal comparatively. I am "the healthiest looking cancer patient" most of my friends have ever seen. I haven't lost any additional weight that I didn't quickly regain. My current weight hovers around 154-156 pounds. Not the best, but not bad for a woman who is 5'7" tall. I still see my reiki guy/counselor every other week, though during the summer I did have to spread those out some due to finances. I see my chiropractor at least every other week. My lower back and right shoulder and hip could tolerate no less than that. I visit my acupuncturist about every 3 weeks now. I wish I could go more often, but I can't afford it. I get chemo and labs every 3 weeks. Sometimes I have to have my blood drawn more often to check certain levels. I've been on antibiotics more than a few times since I started chemo. Overall, my diet isn't as great as it should be, nor is it as bad as the average american's. I drink plenty of water. I take probiotics and turmeric daily. Unfortunately, I also usually take prescription pain medicine daily. I use anti-nausea meds only when teas, ginger and homeopathics don't help.
Tomorrow, I am finally going to see a wound care specialist to address the lack of healing on the wound covering most of my left chest. This is the wound which developed, on its own, a couple of months before I began chemotherapy. I have treated it previously with raw honey dressings, coconut oil with herbs infused into it and coconut oil with essetial oils. I have tried a couple of conventional methods suggested by the surgeon I saw for a consult including silvadene cream and antibiotic ointment. Both of which made my wound either stick to the dressing terribly or made it worse. Eventually the honey began to cause too much pain during the healing, so I have stuck with my coconut oil regimen since a couple of months ago. I find the coconut oil with essential oils yields the best results, Other than when my white blood cell counts dropped drastically after my chemo treatment 3 weeks ago, I have kept skin infections at bay so far.
My emotional healing is probably the biggest and most effective part of what has occurred. I still have a long way to go. I don't even think the Dalai Lama feels like he'll ever be finished growing emotionally and spiritually until he dies, and I certainly don't claim to be even half as enlightened as he is. Also, there is still anger and bitterness I am struggling to release, expectations of myself and others that I need to let go of and much I have yet to learn and/or completely embrace. Despite the distance I still need to go, I have come so far already and am a much different person in most aspects of my life and most relationships than I was over 3 years ago when I unconsciously allowed myself to have cancer in order to start on the path I am on now.
There are a few things that I really have found very difficult to make habit and those are meditation, including daily centering of myself and connecting with guides and angels, putting myself first and setting limits on others' expectations of me. These need to become an ingrained and natural part of my life, yet they have not. One day, I am confident they will be, but I believe it may be a little ways off. It is so far away from my nature to do these things and, especially being the mother of several small children still, its a hard thing to do, while still seeing yourself as an adequate and involved parent. My children will not always be small, so this is the reason I know that one dy I will achieve these goals.
While I do not profess to be some shining example of how everyone should be, especially since everyone has their own path and things they should be learning and experiencing in this lifetime, I do hope to one day be an example to others around me of how to conquer fears and overcome obstacles in one's life. Recently, I heard a saying, on a home improvement show, of all places, and I shared it with some friends who found it inspiring as well. The saying is "Today is a good day for a good day". It simply means that your attitude sets the tone and you can decide that any day, no matter how badly things might be going on that day, can be a good day. I hope you all have a good day because today really is a good day for a good day.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Chemo is the way to go?
After 2 1/2 years of using natural methods to control my cancer and rid my body of the unnatural cells growing within me, something changed. My tumor was smaller, but the skin on my chest began to break down and open up. I was no longer as steadfast in my herbal medicine taking as I once has been. My regimen often took a backseat to stress and bad eating habits and I was once again putting other people's needs before my own.
As a result, my body changed, and not for the better. Seeing this, I decided to visit an oncologist, just to get more information and an idea of what they would recommend. I needed more information so I could make an informed decision about whether or not to try any conventional therapies.
The first oncologist I saw was recommended to me by a couple of people I knew through various channels. They were acquaintances, not friends, but they knew what my situation had been the previous couple of years and they knew of my decisions not to do conventional cancer treatments before this time. My first visit with him was pretty good, He was kind and encouraging. He wasn't pushy. He wanted to do some tests. I agreed to some of them, but not to others and so at the second visit with him, he was not as pleasant. He seemed angry that I wanted information and that I would not be pushed into making a decision quickly simply because he wanted me to do it.
I wanted to know about surgery as an option and he, hesitantly, referred me to a surgeon for a consult. I decided I did not trust what information he had passed on to this surgeon about me (such as me being an obstinate patient or something) so I visited my naturopathic physician again and spoke with her about surgery. She referred me to a doctor that was not completly on board with all I had done, but she was non-judgmental about it. She ran some tests that showed that surgery was not an option. She referred me to a different oncologist.
After meeting with this oncologist and also another natural doctor who had numerous non-chemotherapy methods of cancer treatment as well as one low dose chemo method, I wrestled with the decision over staying with natural methods or going partially or completely conventional. Finally, after much thought and making the decision some what (sadly) for financial reasons, I chose to go with conventional chemotherapy and targeted therapies, supporting that with continued visits to my reiki practitioner and counselor, my acupuncturist and my chiropractor. I also stayed on some herbal and vitamin therapies which were not contraindicated nor would add to the negative effects of the medicines (like blood thining).
I have now had 2 chemo infusions and will go for my third next week. I lost most of my hair very early on and am embracing the bald look (because you can't steal my pretty). I have suffered a few infections and have been on antibiotics most of the time since I started the therapy. My white blood cell counts do not bounce back well. I have pain associated with the cancer and occasional mild nausea. I have lost 10 pounds so far and have kept that off. Everything tastes funny and I usually don't have much of an appetite (who wants to eat when everything tastes like metal anyway?). Other than that (and all of that is pretty mild compared to what many people go through), I have been doing pretty well. I still take my kids to school nearly every day and pick them up from school. I am at the dance studio most of the week and manage to stay on top of everything with the competitive dance group. I look forward to starting costume making again for the ballet company for Nutcracker later this year. I made costumes for my oldest daughter's dance piece for the 8 girls in it without any help from anyone. I drive myself to most of my appointments, even when my husband stays home to watch the 2 youngest kids. I look forward to having a moment to breath during the summer.
I am still fundraising to try and manage the costs of the medications and treatments so that we don't go bankrupt before reaching our out of pocket maximum with our insurance. I look forward to a future without cancer cells in my body and without chemotherapy drugs flowing through my veins. I yearn for a day when my chest port will no longer be needed and can be removed. I still think I'm going to live to be 103. Jiminy Cricket couldn't have been wrong. Positivity says so. Love and light to you all.
As a result, my body changed, and not for the better. Seeing this, I decided to visit an oncologist, just to get more information and an idea of what they would recommend. I needed more information so I could make an informed decision about whether or not to try any conventional therapies.
The first oncologist I saw was recommended to me by a couple of people I knew through various channels. They were acquaintances, not friends, but they knew what my situation had been the previous couple of years and they knew of my decisions not to do conventional cancer treatments before this time. My first visit with him was pretty good, He was kind and encouraging. He wasn't pushy. He wanted to do some tests. I agreed to some of them, but not to others and so at the second visit with him, he was not as pleasant. He seemed angry that I wanted information and that I would not be pushed into making a decision quickly simply because he wanted me to do it.
I wanted to know about surgery as an option and he, hesitantly, referred me to a surgeon for a consult. I decided I did not trust what information he had passed on to this surgeon about me (such as me being an obstinate patient or something) so I visited my naturopathic physician again and spoke with her about surgery. She referred me to a doctor that was not completly on board with all I had done, but she was non-judgmental about it. She ran some tests that showed that surgery was not an option. She referred me to a different oncologist.
After meeting with this oncologist and also another natural doctor who had numerous non-chemotherapy methods of cancer treatment as well as one low dose chemo method, I wrestled with the decision over staying with natural methods or going partially or completely conventional. Finally, after much thought and making the decision some what (sadly) for financial reasons, I chose to go with conventional chemotherapy and targeted therapies, supporting that with continued visits to my reiki practitioner and counselor, my acupuncturist and my chiropractor. I also stayed on some herbal and vitamin therapies which were not contraindicated nor would add to the negative effects of the medicines (like blood thining).
I have now had 2 chemo infusions and will go for my third next week. I lost most of my hair very early on and am embracing the bald look (because you can't steal my pretty). I have suffered a few infections and have been on antibiotics most of the time since I started the therapy. My white blood cell counts do not bounce back well. I have pain associated with the cancer and occasional mild nausea. I have lost 10 pounds so far and have kept that off. Everything tastes funny and I usually don't have much of an appetite (who wants to eat when everything tastes like metal anyway?). Other than that (and all of that is pretty mild compared to what many people go through), I have been doing pretty well. I still take my kids to school nearly every day and pick them up from school. I am at the dance studio most of the week and manage to stay on top of everything with the competitive dance group. I look forward to starting costume making again for the ballet company for Nutcracker later this year. I made costumes for my oldest daughter's dance piece for the 8 girls in it without any help from anyone. I drive myself to most of my appointments, even when my husband stays home to watch the 2 youngest kids. I look forward to having a moment to breath during the summer.
I am still fundraising to try and manage the costs of the medications and treatments so that we don't go bankrupt before reaching our out of pocket maximum with our insurance. I look forward to a future without cancer cells in my body and without chemotherapy drugs flowing through my veins. I yearn for a day when my chest port will no longer be needed and can be removed. I still think I'm going to live to be 103. Jiminy Cricket couldn't have been wrong. Positivity says so. Love and light to you all.
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